Epiphanies

There are several moments in my life where I have had an epiphany or 'moment of clarity' each one as profound as the last. They work to strip away my preconceptions, my bias and any plans I might have made. They are not always a welcome occurrence.

But one does not stand in the way of fate, luck, destiny or semi trucks.

My most major one came after I moved out of home; I had slightly gone off the rails and tried to change my environment. For a while it got worse, and then BOOM it hit me. (Not a semi truck) I came across the idea that everything I do affects me in ways that I cannot comprehend; to act negatively in all things was poisoning me at a mental level. My thoughts decayed and it got worse.

I made a conscious decision to change, my friends saw this as me not really going out or being stubborn about not doing certain things. In a way my decision to change caused even more negativity but in a different way. My relationship with people I had called 'best-friends' for the last 8-10 years disintegrated as we grew apart. Now I rarely talk to any of them and it feels like so much bad blood has gone between us, which it hasn't. But that doesn’t change how it feels.

At that point old Matt died and new and improved Matt was born. Several of old Matt’s friendships survived the transition and were strengthened in the crucible of change.

I believe there are only so many connections one person can maintain without causing themselves mental anguish. We can only focus so much energy on the external before our own energy is depleted.

So my epiphany was this, let go of your bitterness, anger and remorse, and don’t let your environment poison you, live for the future or die in the past. Life is too short

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"Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise."