Less Than Three :-*

I have met a most wonderful person, she has brought
happiness back into my life. When I am with her I feel
strong and weak at the same time, the thought of her
having to go home at the end of the day put butterflies
in my stomach.

Part sadness to see her go and part irrational fear of
her not coming back.

I'm too hard on myself sometimes, I get embarassed when
people give me compliments, I never feel deserving enough.

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"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

Laughter is....

.....the best medicine. For anything short of imminent death laughter will help you heal. I used to read the readers digest when I was 11 and loved the section named as my topic is, it always meant I would hear a joke or two I had never heard before. Sometimes i didn't get the jokes because being only 11 I wasn't world-wise enough.

Through all the bad times the one thing that kept me going was my ability to laugh at myself and my situation. Once you can see the funny side in anything there isn't a lot that can upset you.

We gain strength from our humor and lack for lack of it.

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"The ages made her that made us from dust:
She is all we know and live by, and we trust
She is good and must endure, loving her so:
And as we love ourselves we hate her foe. "

Epiphanies

There are several moments in my life where I have had an epiphany or 'moment of clarity' each one as profound as the last. They work to strip away my preconceptions, my bias and any plans I might have made. They are not always a welcome occurrence.

But one does not stand in the way of fate, luck, destiny or semi trucks.

My most major one came after I moved out of home; I had slightly gone off the rails and tried to change my environment. For a while it got worse, and then BOOM it hit me. (Not a semi truck) I came across the idea that everything I do affects me in ways that I cannot comprehend; to act negatively in all things was poisoning me at a mental level. My thoughts decayed and it got worse.

I made a conscious decision to change, my friends saw this as me not really going out or being stubborn about not doing certain things. In a way my decision to change caused even more negativity but in a different way. My relationship with people I had called 'best-friends' for the last 8-10 years disintegrated as we grew apart. Now I rarely talk to any of them and it feels like so much bad blood has gone between us, which it hasn't. But that doesn’t change how it feels.

At that point old Matt died and new and improved Matt was born. Several of old Matt’s friendships survived the transition and were strengthened in the crucible of change.

I believe there are only so many connections one person can maintain without causing themselves mental anguish. We can only focus so much energy on the external before our own energy is depleted.

So my epiphany was this, let go of your bitterness, anger and remorse, and don’t let your environment poison you, live for the future or die in the past. Life is too short

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"Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread,
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise."